WORDS.

2009-12-21T16:22:00.001-08:00

for my love. always and forever.

2009-12-14T08:13:00.001-08:00

my top 10 albums of 2009.

1. miike snow - miike snow

2. phoenix - wolfgang amadeus phoenix

3. man. orch. - mean everything to nothing

4. grizzly bear - veckatimest

5. the avett brothers - i and love and you

6. passion pit - manners

7. monsters of folk - monsters of folk

8. brand new - daisy

9. conor oberst - outer south

10. john mayer - battle studies

2009-11-17T15:36:00.001-08:00

Liz johnson

Every color swirling around
Like a rainbow tossed into a hurricane
I still keep the same face
Zealous eyes to match the smile
Attempting to change the past, I
Baptized myself in my bathtub
Every sin removed only briefly, because
The truth is they’re always
Hanging, dangling from the hairs on my skin

2009-11-16T15:00:00.001-08:00

“How To Be Picked First For Dodgeball: Chapter One, For Eager Freshmen” Liz Johnson

Don’t get dressed too fast for gym class. Your nerdy glasses and high-water jeans will make you seem overly anxious when they’re flying off your stick-framed body. You don’t want to be out of the locker room first. Pace yourself. Find the most popular, built guy and follow his lead. Don’t stare too much though, he’ll think your checking him out. You won’t get picked first if half the class thinks you’re homosexual. Don’t wear your gym uniform like you should. Rules are for breaking. Rebels are badass. Don’t tuck in your shirt all the way, but don’t let it all hang out. You don’t want to look like you were rushed because you wanted to stay late for chemistry to discuss your upcoming projects with your favorite teacher. Sag your shorts. Nothing says cool and tough like displaying your boxer’s band. You know, the boxer bands that say the name of a popular teenage store that plays loud music and smells like sex as you apprehensively stroll past it in the mall. Yeah, show that off. Don’t let your socks show. No one knows why this makes you tough, but do it anyway. Everybody else does. Take one last look in the mirror, make sure your outfit is acceptable, and slap on one last layer of deodorant. No one wants a smelly team player.
Notice the guys the act out as the gym teacher explains the rules. These are the gods of dodge ball. They don’t need rules. They sleep, eat, and shit dodge ball. You want to be just like them. Again, don’t stare at them for too long, they’ll catch on. Don’t stand with the others in a straight line. You’re better than lines. Stand out in front. Position yourself away from those who won’t be picked first. Make yourself seen. The gym teacher will pick the captains and you will need your inhaler when you realize that the guys picked don’t even know your name. Hey, you could always be “the guy over there that looks like he’s trying too hard”. Don’t give up just yet. The captains will scan the line for their first teammate, which will be you, or the guy next to you, or the guy next to him, or…well, you get it. Don’t shrink back. Chin up, chest out, not too far out, and pick a stance that says “I shave everyday”. Don’t look the captains in the eye. This is the automatic pity stare. The minute you look them in the eye, you’re basically shouting “please pick me so I don’t look like a freak to the girls playing volleyball on the other side of the gym”. Don’t look down though either. Look at the girls. You’re more interested in them anyway. Those tight tight gym shirts and those short shorts and…damn. Okay, so Billy Thorton was picked first. It was rigged anyway. Don’t get down when four, now, five names have been called. You’re probably not flexing hard enough. Slouch a little more. Sixth person picked? Not this time, buddy. Sag your shorts a little more. Seventh? Hey, they do know your name after all. Don’t run too fast over to the huddle, but don’t be too slow. Strut. Good luck.

2009-11-16T12:04:00.000-08:00

“Sunday” Liz Johnson

I always drove out to the lake after I had had a rough night. I liked watching the morning fishermen head out in hopes of bringing back dinner for their hungry families. I could never understand how they could sit still for hours and hours, though, just them and the lake, nothing to keep them occupied. They must have grown bored at sometime or another. I wondered.
This morning was different for me, in the sense that I don’t remember night ending and morning beginning. It had all been spent at the lake anyway. The garbage bag wasn’t too heavy; she had been fairly young. I slid the bag off the docks as the first warmth of sun heated up my face. The cool splash of water cooled and slapped me out of my confused state. I sat down.
I do remember the rain stopping. I was relieved by then that the screams for help had ceased. I was disappointed to see that as soon as the sun came up, the clouds raced each other to hide it. The rain had left a haze over the lake, and everything seemed blue. Even the trees, sprinkled green by the newly welcomed spring season were a tint of blue.
I could always tell when the fish were waking up. They would sporadically jump above the lake line and splash back down. The fish were not awake today. They could be gathering around the new contents of the lake, a dead little girl. But, where were the fishermen? Were they also down at the bottom of the lake, around the mangled body? It didn’t seem likely.
I couldn’t get over how quiet the lake seemed. Although there were no fish jumping, no loud motors from the boats, it still didn’t make sense. Even after several minutes of searching, I could not find one bird in the sky. In fact, not even a light from a cabin across the lake seemed illuminated. Everything that could be conscious knowing knew. I still had splashes of the once thick red fluid on my hands. The color now brown, and the fluid now dry and thin. Inevitably the splashes had found their way up my arms and to my neck. What a mess, mess, mess.
The second time I felt the lake on my body was voluntary. The water was still cold, and the smell of the lake crawled up my nose and suffocated me. I sneezed and jumped a few steps back. My sneeze echoed over the lake as I heard sirens in the distance. The sound was so faint that I was almost certain the fog covering the lake had entangled the sound; had trapped it. The fog was telling me to run.
I climbed into my truck and turned on the radio. It was 9:27 a.m. and a preacher came through the speakers loud, but distorted. I never got good reception out here. It was Sunday and I was late for church.

2009-10-01T17:14:00.001-07:00

october is surely my favorite month. i am so happy its finally here.

i just wish i had someone to share it with.

2009-09-27T13:16:00.000-07:00

the weekend is over. back to real life.

2009-09-23T16:04:00.001-07:00

Disappear from your hometown
Go and find the people that you know
Show them all your good parts
Leave town when the bad ones start to show
Go and wed a woman, a pretty girl that you’ve never met
Make sure she knows you love her well
But don’t make any other promises

The weight of lies will bring you down
And follow you to every town
Cause nothin happens here
That doesn’t happen there
So when you run make sure you run
To something and not away from
Cause lies don’t need an aero plane
To chase you anywhere

2009-09-06T16:21:00.000-07:00

i'm starting a new job on tuesday 10 hr days. taking a new direction in life...hopefully.

i'm done with it. i'm tired of talking about this all the fucking time. yes, i'm looking at you jeremy because i know you're going to read this and then complain about it to me. i just am so tired of it all.

i was drunk by 3 today, which is probably a good thing. no work tomorrow. no plans for tonight. thinking about kicking it alone tonight. we'll see.

2009-08-30T18:11:00.000-07:00

i can be bigger than all of this.

its just going to take some time. today my best friend told me she heard the same rumor that's going around from someone else. if anybody AT ALL is reading this:

THE RUMORS ARE NOT FUCKING TRUE.

nor will they EVER be true. it would never happen.

2009-08-26T14:39:00.000-07:00

i wish i wasn't awake in this part of my life right now. thinking if i could just fast forward to 2010. a fresh start. a new life. i am so frustrated by people talking talking talking all the time. lies and manipulating words has gotten me really down. how did i get caught up in all of this?

i am not the type of person to talk or be talked about. i shouldn't even have to write an entry like this. this should not be happening, but it is, and now i have to deal with it.

i'm looking forward to december. i think it will be a good month. i think things might start to make sense then.

and i STILL haven't heard back about the job. i'm getting really nervous. i can't work at the ymca anymore. i need something new. new changes. that's what i need and i think it could start with the job. fuel for a great fire.

i hate feeling like this. done.

2009-08-23T10:47:00.000-07:00

wow.

i'm really hoping i'm not going to get shot by a pregnant lady.
just saying.

2009-08-15T15:21:00.000-07:00

i had one hell of a night last night.

too bad i don't remember much of it...except when i sobered up and had to drive kara and her new lover all over noblesville just so they could probably not hook up, but just cuddle. just kidding. i love her.

i hate being so...so... mushy? but i hate him. i hate him because i can't sleep at night. and i hate myself for even thinking about EVER getting attached especially when i knew he was leaving.

what was i thinking?

2009-08-13T18:27:00.000-07:00

i miss a boy.

its a strange feeling.

i had a job interview today for an assistant at an at-home daycare. its only 15-20 hours a week, but $10/hr which is nice. still would have to keep my job at the Y if i get it. anyways, i go to her house tuesday for a "working" interview and then she'll make her decision by next friday. its really nerve racking. i hope i get it. i hope i'm good at it.

i just need at least ONE thing in my life to work out soon.

2009-07-31T16:22:00.000-07:00

i am so lost. ohhh so lost. i have no idea what i just did. i don't think it would have ever worked out with jeremy regardless, but it seems so sudden.

my mind just went completely blank.

i really need to start being more responsible. seriously, especially if kara and i are looking to move in about a month. a month!

what am i even doing?

2009-07-25T08:31:00.001-07:00

textsfromlastnight.com

i loved this one:

(203): she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
(860): what did you do?
(203): i asked her out. that's so hot.

2009-07-22T16:09:00.001-07:00

i want to go to king's island so bad that i think it might kill me if i don't get to go like THIS WEEKEND.

i want to ride roller coasters dammit.

2009-07-19T16:26:00.000-07:00

where the wild things are trailer.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NOkQ4dYVaM

2009-07-14T07:16:00.001-07:00

i love this place.

2009-07-11T14:22:00.001-07:00

i am on an island. i am away. i am okay.

2009-07-06T07:55:00.000-07:00

jesus christ.

things are gettin' messy. some people aren't talking to me, and others are talking just a little more than i feel comfortable with.

i will be pleased with vacation on friday. i've needed it for much too long.

speaking of...kara and me...disney world? we shall see.

2009-06-25T15:41:00.000-07:00

RIP MJ.

i say we have a huge world-wide thriller-esque party tonight.

2009-06-23T20:05:00.000-07:00

duuude.

oh shit.

Grizzly Bear - Two Weeks

2009-06-22T14:38:00.001-07:00

i'm on a serious grizzly bear kick especially since they've released their new album veckatimest. give them a listen here:

Grizzly Bear - Two Weeks

2009-06-21T14:12:00.000-07:00

i would try to explain and relive the events of last night in words, but it just wouldn't do justice. hopefully some sort of proof, such as pictures, will be available soon, but if not you'll just have to trust that last night was probably one of the funnest nights of my life.

short story:
got to the hotel, set stuff up, ordered pizza, ate, emily, shana, and melissa came, played games, between all of us -- 36 jelly shots all before 9 p.m. plus beers and champagne.

got in the chicken limo, drove around indy, picked up some supplies, went to howl at the moon (FOR FREE and NO WAITING IN LINE and is also one of my new favorite bars), limo dropped us off at talbott st around 1030ish.

saw a drag show, which was awesome. i loved it. i think all the girls really enjoyed it. drank lots more. after the show, danced, katie puked, called taxi, loaded katie, shana, melissa, and emily up. got a call that katie wanted to go out to tiki bob's. met them there, lost shana and melissa, found shana and melissa, went back to tiki bob's had a few stalkers for awhile.

came back to the hotel after the bars closed...around 330-4 a.m. yelled at some people from the balcony, dude came up, called him jose, told him to leave. fell asleep.

that was nearly detail free, but a pretty good jist of the evening.
next saturday, the much anticipated wilson wedding...

2009-06-19T17:58:00.000-07:00

biking is awesome and i'm semi-obsessed now. but i seriously need to work up to riding for a long time. i'm tiiiiired. i really wanted to ride around tonight to barley and stuff but its about to storm. bull.

got everything i needed to do today done, EXCEPT my eyebrows. ugh i forgot. but i'm feeling pretty good about things right now and am STOKED for the bachlorette party tomorrow night. i can't wait. its going to be sooo fun.

2009-06-19T08:57:00.000-07:00

after shot of haircut:

2009-06-18T14:01:00.000-07:00

i had to work out at the pool today and it was hot as balls out there. jesus. i'm still sweating and i've been in air conditioning for 30+ minutes.

scheduled my haircut for tomorrow. i don't know what i was thinking when i said "morning time". got a 9:30 appointment, and its $5 more because its the owner who's cutting my hair. niiiice.

for the rest of the evening: shower (yes!), going to see that one boy, and then hopefully hanging out with kara.

tomorrow should be an eventful day.

before shot of my hair: WISH ME LUCK.

2009-06-17T16:00:00.000-07:00

i am SO glad i took friday off seeing as i have a million things to do before saturday night rolls around (aka the bachlorette party).

i have been going to bed much earlier lately with no good results to report. so sad. last night i seriously just thought about staying up all night just so i wouldn't be mad that i would have to wake up at 8.

things to do:
get car fixed (got a recall on a part of my engine)
get hairs cut
get eyebrows done
get presents for the party

...i feel like there's more. see that's why i shouldn't make lists, i always forget something.

twilight phase is over, now i'm back on buffy. the 4th season is so good.
watched a movie called ken park last night. so strange.
started to watch everything is illuminated, but got frustrated because i downloaded it and it had NO subtitles. so i'm going to have to buy it i think. booo.

paid friday. YES.