october is surely my favorite month. i am so happy its finally here.

i just wish i had someone to share it with.

the weekend is over. back to real life.

Disappear from your hometown
Go and find the people that you know
Show them all your good parts
Leave town when the bad ones start to show
Go and wed a woman, a pretty girl that you’ve never met
Make sure she knows you love her well
But don’t make any other promises

The weight of lies will bring you down
And follow you to every town
Cause nothin happens here
That doesn’t happen there
So when you run make sure you run
To something and not away from
Cause lies don’t need an aero plane
To chase you anywhere

i'm starting a new job on tuesday 10 hr days. taking a new direction in life...hopefully.

i'm done with it. i'm tired of talking about this all the fucking time. yes, i'm looking at you jeremy because i know you're going to read this and then complain about it to me. i just am so tired of it all.

i was drunk by 3 today, which is probably a good thing. no work tomorrow. no plans for tonight. thinking about kicking it alone tonight. we'll see.

i can be bigger than all of this.

its just going to take some time. today my best friend told me she heard the same rumor that's going around from someone else. if anybody AT ALL is reading this:

THE RUMORS ARE NOT FUCKING TRUE.

nor will they EVER be true. it would never happen.

i wish i wasn't awake in this part of my life right now. thinking if i could just fast forward to 2010. a fresh start. a new life. i am so frustrated by people talking talking talking all the time. lies and manipulating words has gotten me really down. how did i get caught up in all of this?

i am not the type of person to talk or be talked about. i shouldn't even have to write an entry like this. this should not be happening, but it is, and now i have to deal with it.

i'm looking forward to december. i think it will be a good month. i think things might start to make sense then.

and i STILL haven't heard back about the job. i'm getting really nervous. i can't work at the ymca anymore. i need something new. new changes. that's what i need and i think it could start with the job. fuel for a great fire.

i hate feeling like this. done.

wow.

i'm really hoping i'm not going to get shot by a pregnant lady.
just saying.