i wish i wasn't awake in this part of my life right now. thinking if i could just fast forward to 2010. a fresh start. a new life. i am so frustrated by people talking talking talking all the time. lies and manipulating words has gotten me really down. how did i get caught up in all of this?

i am not the type of person to talk or be talked about. i shouldn't even have to write an entry like this. this should not be happening, but it is, and now i have to deal with it.

i'm looking forward to december. i think it will be a good month. i think things might start to make sense then.

and i STILL haven't heard back about the job. i'm getting really nervous. i can't work at the ymca anymore. i need something new. new changes. that's what i need and i think it could start with the job. fuel for a great fire.

i hate feeling like this. done.